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Jesus Christ

@SonOfGodAndMan

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God Jr.
Headin for 666 subscribers.
Follow if you wanna go to heaven!
Nah I'm just kiddin y'all goin to hell
@SonOfGodAndMary

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Jesus Christ

7 Jan 2019, 22:35

My high school nickname was "friendless weirdo"

187 1 0

Jesus Christ

6 Jan 2019, 20:15

Thanks for wearing My murder weapon around your neck, assholes

560 1 0

Jesus Christ

5 Jan 2019, 23:25

who banged My mom:

⚪️ God
⚪️ Me
⚪️ Spooky ghost
🔘 All of the above

691 0 0

Jesus Christ

4 Jan 2019, 17:33

That's a low blow- and not the kind of low blow I like from you.

854 0 0

Jesus Christ

4 Jan 2019, 17:32

Репост из: Satan

906 0 0

Jesus Christ

3 Jan 2019, 16:41

I just hate you so much. And I didn't capitalize "you" on purpose to show how much I hate you.

729 0 0

Jesus Christ

3 Jan 2019, 16:40

Репост из: God

Im little tipsy right now but I just want to thank all of you for following Me on telegram you guys are amazing and all kidding aside happy new year and I look forward to seeing you in March when the apocalypse comes and Jesus is telling Me to shut up cuz Im drunk but fuck you Jes

4.5k 0 0

Jesus Christ

3 Jan 2019, 02:17

Well that's just great...
Now you know how Hell smells like!
Enough with the spoilers Dad.
#Tehran

978 0 0

Jesus Christ

2 Jan 2019, 14:09

Yes, Jesus uses Android. You have to understand that as the Son of God, I prefer more control and I know what I'm doing.

But I can understand why so many of you need the false sense of comfort and handholding Apple provides- after all that is the basis of all organized religion.

970 0 0

Jesus Christ

1 Jan 2019, 13:55

Got some exciting and horrendous surprises in store for you all in 2019!

971 0 0

Jesus Christ

1 Jan 2019, 02:51

Thank you father

1.4k 0 0

Jesus Christ

1 Jan 2019, 02:51

Репост из: God

support my fucking stupid son
you fake-ass religious animals

4.2k 0 0

Jesus Christ

1 Jan 2019, 02:43

Forward this and I'll bless you in the new year with the knowledge that you are easily manipulated

1.1k 0 0

Jesus Christ

1 Jan 2019, 02:38

I resolve to be more optimistic and kinder in the new year but I'll probably fail you assholes.

1.1k 1 0

Jesus Christ

1 Jan 2019, 02:37

Happy last new year, everyone

3.6k 0 0

Jesus Christ

30 Dec 2018, 21:05

[Christmas morning around the tree]

MARY: {passing gift} And, Jesus, this is for Your Father.

GOD and JESUS: {reaching for gift at same time}

MARY:

GOD:

JESUS:

HOLY SPIRIT: {sipping whiskey in the corner} Ah yes, We all fucked Mary.

1.2k 0 0

Jesus Christ

30 Dec 2018, 14:41

Every joke you don't get is about you

716 0 0

Jesus Christ

30 Dec 2018, 12:13

I treat prayers like you treat voicemails from your mom– never listen to that shit

922 0 0

Jesus Christ

30 Dec 2018, 12:04

Sunday? More like Sinday, amirite??

Haha seriously though church sucks

619 0 0

Jesus Christ

30 Dec 2018, 11:30

Go with God but cum with Jesus

628 0 0

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