I write

It's a bit long but worth reading it guys

Oldest Kid In The Room

This summer brought things full circle to me.

I remember being excited about setting up an account on a website I just discovered and getting irritated when I found out that the service required me to be at least 18 years old.

I thought: I’m only a couple of years away from that age. Why should I be treated like a child?

At that age, I had to pick the subjects which would define my academic path and even career, so why shouldn’t I be able to sign up for some free website?
That doesn't feel like a long time ago.

But now, I’m a year away from graduating and having the student excuse/badge/shield taken away from me.

And lately, I saw a couple of people pause when I told them my age.

One of them was a stranger who worked at the office near my Bible Study office. I came to the office on the wrong day and wondered where everybody was. So, I used the nearby office as a temporary refuge. It turned out that one of the employees there was a fan of my sand artwork online.
Then, she casually asked how old I was.

I told her. 23.

Even the digits sit there cool and sturdy next to each other. I like that number almost as much as I like I like the number 32.

But I don’t know whether she was shocked, confused, or embarrassed to have asked such a big girl her age, but there was a pause there.

I tried to keep the conversation going by saying that I may look younger than I was. She’s not the first person to assume I was still a teenager. She told me that was a good thing, and I doubted it.

I guess that trying to defy time is an international women’s thing.

That’s probably why we complement each other by saying we still look like children.

Recently, when someone asked my age on a Telegram writers’ group and I dropped the number. The person sent a sticker and called me mommy.
I am one of the oldest folks in that group. One of the group’s founders was still in high school when I met her.

And to me, the highlight of getting older is being able to pass on what I learned from my extra years of existing. I can find myself in settings where everyone is a younger young adult who sound so much older.

But I already know that in the future, I'll probably envy the routine I'm leading now.

I’m not in a workforce that involves sucking up to management. I’m not in school sucking up to bigger universities.

I’m enjoying the last days of my summer break and preparing an escape route from my current course in this limbo state. I'm trying to just sit my ass down and get to work.

And I wish I hadn’t come up with so many excuses about my unfortunate identity or location six or seven years ago. I wish the 18-year-old me sat her ass down and gotten to work on the things she enjoys doing.

But as far as I’m concerned, I’m the luckiest woman I know, and that joy doesn’t have much to do with what I do or don’t do. The highlight of my life now is sharing the source of that joy.

Love,
-w

By: @wintaassefa
IG: winta_sandart
#winta

What if all of this is just an algorithm
The universe has laws
And we got music
Isn’t it the same
The same law
When you feel good you
Enjoy the beat, the rhythm
When you feel good you enjoy
The universe
When you feel shit
It’s all misery and bullshit
Same at the club
When your not enjoying
Even your favorite
Throwback songs
Sound like a death howl
So
Learn to dance through life
One beat at a time

#nunna

The most powerful phrase in the world is “ I don’t know”. We really don’t know anything. Learn to use your senses again be curious, feel your hands, your head, fill your lungs with air. Stop trusting everyone and their bullshit.
#nunna

When you advice someone not to be victim minded they'll automatically feel victimized
#inside_a_victim_mindeds_mind

#pathtetic

The Huntsman

The girl claims touching would help
Torching him with the sparks in her eyes
He sighs
And let's her weigh his hummered heart
She came closer
To feel
To feel him she claimed she cared
Tear was gasoline to that blaze in her eyes she hid
That phrase of lie she eats
That fake self she shroud would come out with her tears
She fears

He sits there
There was where she was and his heart
His open heart
And she stares deep in his eyes
No blaze in his just sigh
Helplessness and trust he claimed
Tamed
Now she stares
Stares on the open wound
Deeper this time
Like it gave her a story
It was a mime
So she touches it
His eyes blink
Shrink, they stay closed
Thinking she'd guide him
It seem
But she run
She run like snow white
did from the huntsman

Except she was the orion
Turning on his wounded heart
She put a bullet on

N.B tb to 2014-2015
🌬 For my dearest

I used to think I wasn't cut out to live the ordinary married with two kids and a cottage kind of life, found it appealing but couldn't fit myself in the picture, I was always their as the photo bomber .
Something that was in my picture was my child though, I guess I just wanted to bastard one. Without realizing a fatherless kid didn't mind existing, I wish I knew better. Well I did, eventually, so decided to invite the father for weekends. Ofcouse all being in my head felt sorry for my kid that he/she will never get their father take them to school, sit them on his lap. It's normal though right? A lot of orphan children; but you know why not change your shoes if you happen to have a spare aee? Same concept, so decided maybe I'll marry the dude, though only for the sake of my kid God forbid I would need another adult human to support me and be with me, to have and to hold, to stick through the thick and thin, until death do me part. Well, God didn't forbid. So now I've come to the realization maybe I do need a man for me. Not for the father he is but the husband. A Life partner who has signed off his life to me.
So future husband know that I'll sign off my life as your life partner too. As your life partner to talk, to hold or just you know to let out steam. After all you have half of my stuff 😉
#lets_bring_marriage_back
N.B I haven't decided if this is sarcasm or my real feeling yet

If you are walking in a crowd, follow the one who is disturbing and making the way, you’ll have an easier way going through.
#nunna

13/9/19

New Year's Resolution

I hate starting anything at the beginning of a year.

It puts a lot of pressure on me. It feels like drawing on a blank piece of paper or typing on a blank Microsoft Word document. I prefer beginning new projects near the tail end of a year when I’m almost sure that the year was almost entirely an unproductive one.
At that point, I can prove to myself that the last few months still exist and if I work enough, I can be rolling in full steam by the time the coming year arrives.
I don’t have to start anything new then.

I also like using agendas and journals that my sisters or dad abandoned halfway through.

I don’t know whether I like using used things because I like salvaging stuff, or because it’s a constant reminder that we never really start anything from scratch.

Even my writing and sand artwork is derived from all the words and stories I consumed from storytellers who had long passed and storytellers who just like me are still stealing from the deep well of stolen goods within them.

Either way, when people started wishing me a happy new year, I found that I was answering in monotone again.

I hope that they have a lovely month. But I also hope that in six months, something like this reminds them to get just as 'excited' about the last six months as they were with the first six.
It’s the same amount of time after all, and as obvious as this sounds, we don’t have that many years anyway. But most of all, I hope they know, and with certainty, the reason for most of the things they do in the time they have, and that they don't just exist to exist.

And I hope you have a lovely 12 months and maybe consider not butchering an animal to mark the beginning of the next year.

Love,
-w

@wintaassefa

ውበት
ጨበሬ ዝብርቅርቅ
ሳቂታ ፍልቅልቅ
ያልተኳሉ ፊቶች
ያልቀለሙ ጣቶች.....
~~~~~~~~~

ሺ ገዳይ ስትስቅ ጉራማይሌ ጥርሷ
መቃዋን እይሉኝ ዘመናይ ናት እሷ
ይቺ ናት ውብ ማለት የውበት እመቤት
የጥበብ መለኪያ ወርቀዘቦ ጥለት፡፡

ውድነህ ተሾመ
28/08/2011
Taken from @inspiringT

Home sick
How you explain it
What do you miss
They say
The smell
The smoke in my eyes
From over cooked onions
The grass
Under my moms feet
When she is marking
Her special coffee
Her dress
The smell of her
Her embrace
What do you miss they say
Everything,
Everything
Doesn’t explain
The nostalgic feeling
The colors
I see when I close
My eyes
I even miss the fear
When I did something wrong
Knowing
I might get punished
Tonight
For I stayed out too long
Here
No one cares about curfew
Where I stayed
What I stated
Why I walked home alone
In the dead of night
Home sick
That’s me
#nunna
Melkam Addis amet y’all. Enjoy, stay safe, and take your time with everything you plan and may God give you more than you planned for.

I lost a meal and I lost my mind
I skipped a meal and a day passed by

Happy Ethiopian New years everyone ☺️
Please remember there are fasting people for the day so try not to gloat by waving the tails of your sheep at them, remember a year is only new for a day
Although speaking about the year in general wish you all your best.
N.B this is the most straight forward message I've put out there yet, I guess I really am changing #newyears_new_me_bs

Don't envy the past
You'll pass one day too
#Amha

Tell someone that's obviously looking miserable that they look occasionally beautiful. Because you know a lot of others have already confronted them about the day
#making_room_for_mistakes

Be like a house fly. Have a house, place to stick to, and when the owners turn off their lights stick to your ground(the space you were on last when the lights were last seen) and wait and maybe sleep until the owners wake up for school, work or even their night pee, it's fine you didn't even plan on sleeping on the first place.
And if the owners decide to use roach killer, and incase you die because, you know, you don't own a face mask, an oxygen tank or maybe you were asleep because your a housefly not like there's much you can do or should do for that matter cause you have all you need right there in the house where you became a housefly (water, leftover, and a mate dying to feel the room with your kind) know that you're a collateral damage because I mean it's obvious it even says on the spray bottle- roach killer, the owner of your house would never do that to you.
#innocence

I could use the love that's true
My crocodile skin though

Ruin is a gift
Ruin is the beginning of transformation
#nunna

#nunna

Not being happy hurts my head

Here we go again
Summer is ending
Slowly fading into autumn
I have friends
They claim to love the fall
The warm coffee
The coziness
I, I can’t stand it
How in a matter of weeks
The sun loses its brightness
It’s heat
Slowly fading into a grey void
It’s worse In the city
The colors of the leaf
Only stay bright for a week
And as true to it’s name
They fall
They crumble
Becoming mud with the rain
Sticking to your boots
You forget
How you marveled in the spring
When they were just budding
Full of life
Bright green
But now one by one
You bring them home
Stuck to your dirty boots
For you to frustratingly
wipe them down into
The trash
#livingincanada
#toronto
#nunna