My Depression Notes


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Just A Diary.
I'm Here Whenever I'm Depressed I Wrote Things.
Post What I Feel Sometimes I Stole Posts.
Call It Thoughts

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I'm Sorry I Did Horrible Things And That I'm A Horrible Person. I Can't Even Use Mental Illness As An Excuse; I Am Aware Of All I Did And All I Am Still Doing...And The Fact You're Still With Me Baffles Me. I'm Not Trying To Force You Away. I'm Not Trying To Damage What We Have. I'm Damaging Myself Because I'm Not Worthy Of Anything Positive. I'm Lost In My Own Head And I Can't Let Myself Ruin This.....


If Only I Could Explain In Words And My Actions How Sorry I Am For What I Did, But No Amount Of Words And Actions Can Suffice For What I Did And Said To You. If You Can Find This And See What I Say And Understand That I Had To Fend For Myself For So Long That Recieving This Help Makes Me Uncomfortable, Then I Have Conveyed My Message, Not That You'll Find This Anyway.


I Know How You Feel. It Could Be Worse Though, You Could Have People Talking To You When They Really Don't Want To. Finding Out That Someone You Thought Was Close To You Actually Thinks You're Trash Really Hurts.


I Just Wrote This For My Girl Best Friend 🖤

You Can Share It For Your Besties 😊

Don't Forget My Credit Tho 😒😑


Just Because We Don't Talk Anymore, Doesn't Mean I've Forgotten About You, It Doesn't Mean That I No Longer Care Truth Is I Still Do I Do My Best To Check Up On You, To See How You're Doing To See If You're Okay But Everytime I Get The Urge To Talk To You It Suddenly Hits Me That We're Strangers You Don't Want Me In Your Life Hence The Reason I'm No Longer A Part Of You But Even Though Everything's Changed I Just Want You To Know That I'm Still Here. I'll Be Still Here For You I'll Still Lend You My Shoulders And Ears I Don't Care Time It Is What I'm Doing Don't Hesitate To Talk To Me Because Half The Time I Wish That You Were Talking To Me I Just Love Your Presence I Just Love You In General.


Words Kill


I Wish I Was Good Enough For You. I Wish I Was That One Person You Wanted To Finally Tell Everything To. But At The Same Time, Fuck You. Cause I Know I’m Better Than Good Enough. I Wish You Could See That. I Wish You’d Come Back To Me. I Also Hope The Best For You. I Hope One Day You Finally Let Someone In & You Work All Your Inner Problems Out.






My last writing 🤦🏾‍♂


I've Been Trying To Be Someone Else For So Long. It Didn't Matter Who I Was Trying To Be As Long As I Wasn't Me & I Realized That When I Mask Off & Looked In The Mirror And Tell Myself That This Is The Only Chance For Now I Get To Actually Be Me I Freeze Because Something That Seems Impossible For Other People Somehow Became Possible For Me I Forgot Who I Was I Continued Looking At My Reflection And Said My Full Name But When It Came Out It Sounds Like This Foreign Language That I Was Still Learning It Wasn't That I Necessarily Lost Myself It's Just Forgot How To Find Myself. I Ignored It And Claim That I Was Dumb And Stupid Not Long After That I Try Remember The Things I Truly Like Not The Things I Said I Liked To Please Other People I Realize That Nothing Came Up Facts That I Should Know About Myself Didn't Come Up In My Book Of Knowledge. Trying To Remember The Little Things I Enjoyed In Life Was Like Trying To Collect Memories Of An Very Old Friend Of Mine The Memories Are Faint And The Details Are Almost Transparent The Only Thing Keeping Me Alerted Of The Old Friend Are Elderly Pictures Of When I Were Happy With Them I Stopped And Realized That That's All I Was Yo Myself An Old Friend A Friend That Left Without An Explanation Days, Months Prating They Would Come Back Then I Got Tired Of Waiting Reality Strikes Me And Register That They Are Gone Maybe One Day I'll Bump Them But Memories Of Who I Was Are Absent Leaving Me Forever Questioning If We Will Ever Be Friends Again


I Seen You With Your Other Dude
He Seemed Like He Was Pretty Cool
I Was So Broken Over You
Life It Goes On, What Can You Do?
I Just Wonder What It’s Gonna Take
Another Foreign Or A Bigger Chain






Who Said Boys Can't Be Broken
All I Ever Wanted To Do Was Make My Self Forget All They Did To Me
But Nah.. ..
They Wouldn't Let Me Forget What They Have Done
Cause They Be Coming Up To My Face
Doing And Saying Those Words That Bring Me Down.


Through Time, Through Days
You'll Know Why I Chose What I Chose, Why I Kept Everything To Myself, Why Cared And Why I Loved, But You'll Never Know Who I Am, And You Can't Define Me With Those Answers You Find From These Questions, You'll Underestimate Based Of Some Bullshit You Heard, But When Am Gone You'll Know What I've Said And What I Haven't.
I've Tried To Paint A Picture Of Myself In Your Head So You Wouldn't Have To Hate Me, And I Guess It Worked. Am Not Sorry And I'll Never Be Sorry Cause I Painted A False Picture In Your Head Or Should I Say The Picture I Want To Be In Coz I Don't Want You To Remember Me The Way You Want To, Its My Life So I Guess You Got To Remember Me The Way I Want To....
I'll Admit Some Days I Wished If I Had The Guts To Tell The Truth But Am Way To Weak To Speak, And Even If I Could, It'll Be Hard To Explain. I'll Leave The Truth For The Days To Tell.


I Cry Because It Makes Me Feel Closer To You In Some Way Because Thats All I Did When We Were Together I Look For Ways To Cry For Reasons To Cry It Makes Me Feel So Close To You And Sometimes I Just Cry For No Reason Just For The Sake Of Doing It For The Sake Of Being In Pain I Feel Like Im Connected To You In Some Sort Of Fucked Up Way When Am In Pain Because That Was The Only Thing You Managed To Make Me Feel Its The Only Emotion Ill Ever Know Because Its The Only Emotion You Ever Thought Me I Guess My Pain Gave Satisfaction And I Being The I I Am Wanted To Satisfy You Despite What It Took In Me But Then You Left Me....I Just Couldnt Satisfy You Anymore Hurting Myself....It Confused Me Because I Thought Even If My Love Wasnt Enough To Make You Stay My Pain Would Be I Thought You Would Stay Just For The Pleasure Of Seeing Me In Pain...I Was Your Student And You Were My Teacher And I Feel Pain Now Because It Was The Only Thing I Was Ever Thought To Feel.


You Were Made Of Stardust And Wishes And Magical Things
I Was Made Of Moonlight And Nightmares And Dark Wings





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