#aqlvoy
#quotes
Have you ever been in this type of situation? A friend asks you for an advice and no
matter the solution or idea you give him, he is not pleased and responds with "Yes, but...."
Whilst it may appear the player is asking for help on the social level, what they are really doing on the psychological level is proving that they can’t be helped and no one else can control them. The switch comes when the other person gives up trying. The payoff for the player is proof that no one can help them even though they remain passive. This may be accompanied by feelings of sadness or anger, the feelings that the player learnt were acceptable to caregivers as a child.
The other player in this game may feel helpless and frustrated that they have been unable to help the starter of the game – these feelings are likely to be very familiar too and reinforce a belief that they are not a very good friend, problem solver, therapist, etc. It takes two to play a game.
This game is called: “Yes, But”. This is where one person has a problem and another person is invited to solve it. Everything the other person suggests is rejected with a “Yes, I could do that, but..(insert reason for not doing that)”. We all know people who play this. We may even play it ourselves.
Why do we play games?
A game represents the child’s best strategy to getting something from the world. When we play games in adulthood, we are attempting to meet a genuine child
need. It is just that the means of satisfying that need are outdated & manipulative. Games are a way in which we can confirm our beliefs (mostly wrongly held ones) about life.
How do we stop Playing games?
The first thing we need to do is identify what games we are playing. Ask yourself what patterns keep emerging in your life? What predictable events occur? What feelings do you often end up having?
I recommend reading this book if you want to learn more on this subject, or on other games that people play: Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships by Eric Berne.
-The Muslim Psychologist (Diana)@something_outoflife