Classical fuck.

These gloomy days make me happy, now i dont know what that says about me but i feel a hell of a lot better than when the suns shining. Maybe its the cold because you can do anything to get warm and i guess that gives me hope that i can work towards something or just do something to have fun.

There is a space inside me. Not heavy, not painful, just there. Like a fog that never fully lifts. I sit in conversations, listen, nod at the right moments. But inside, there’s nothing. No opinions, no sharp thoughts, just a slow, steady blankness.

I try to pull something from it. A sentence, a reaction, a feeling. But it slips away before I can hold it. Like trying to catch water in my hands. I used to think. I used to write. I used to have something to say. Now even my own mind feels unfamiliar. Like a room I once lived in but can’t find my way back to. The walls are the same, but the warmth is gone. No opinions. No comments.

I wonder if people notice. If they see the blankness in my eyes. The pauses where opinions should be. I watch conversations unfold like a movie I can’t step into. The right words never come. Thoughts drift in and out before I can catch them. I am here, but not fully. Present, but not engaged. Sometimes I try to notice colors like what color is the chair I'm sitting on, what I'm wearing, and which socks I chose so the silence in my brain doesn't bore me to death.

Maybe this is just a phase. Maybe my thoughts will return like birds after winter. But right now, I move through the days like I’m watching them happen to someone else. Like I’m a step behind my own life, waiting for it to let me back in.

Is it just me or are all habesha TikTok voiceovers sooo damn loud ?? 😭 Why are we yelling

If there's a situation and I make a playlist about it just know it's bad bad bad. Like I could be in an agonizing pain the kind of bad where music is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind without exaggeration. If there’s a playlist just know I’m in my feelings heavy. Just know I’ve carefully selected each song like it’s gonna solve my problems. Just know I’m letting the lyrics speak for me because I physically cannot deal right now. and if you catch me listening to the same song on repeat just give me a minute bruh 😭

Has anyone in here applied for a passport recently. For the regular. The one that costs 5k. How long did it take to get your passport? Need help guys

Sorry guys no more ads 😭

Summer walker's songs are meant to be listened only with two pairs of headphones. Both your ears has to lock in. It's not a joke it's an experience.

Frenji new year is coming up and people on the internet are talking what they have accomplished and didn't. What they wanted the most & ended up getting & so on. it had me thinking what I wanted the most this year and the answer just kept repeating in my head once I figured what it was. 

Closure is a strange thing to "need*. It's not really tangible or like a gift someone gives you. needing closure has this heavy silence that I don't know how to explain & when you don't get it feels like carrying a suitcase with no handle & you can't just leave it behind. Or can you? 

you tell yourself that if you could just hear the truth , or a lie dressed up as honesty , you'd be okay. It feels desperate almost obsessive. Closure isn't always understanding why things ended. Sometimes it's about acknowledgement like having your time valued, your presence remembered & when you don't get that it feels like everything you gave didn't matter enough to warrant a goodbye. 

Then on a random day you decide to stop retracting steps that don't lead anywhere. You think to yourself that's badass and you make peace with it.quickly you realize it can't happen over night. You realize you don't need someone else to tell you it's over. You can tell yourself and you trust yourself. AGAIN BADASS. 

I realized it shouldn't feel like something someone decides for me but sometimes it is because some people refuse to acknowledge the little pieces of me they took with them when they left. but what can you do when you can't have it? .

I realized it's over because I say it is. Closure is something I've thought about from last December to this December. Whenever someone asked me why I zoned out I couldn't say oh nothing major just mentally drafting closure speeches for everyone who refused to give me it. So I just stare at them 😭

If we've been friends or if u stayed long enough in this channel you'd know that I like to listen to songs album through album playing each one on repeat until I feel like I’ve fully absorbed it before moving on to the next. SOOOO For the past three weeks it’s been SZA's Ctrl (Deluxe) on repeat. I choose the songs I listen to based on how I feel usually and this is what I feel like lately. 🥲 & This album happens to be my favorite mainly because it hits home in a way alot of people can relate. 

*Stepping into my music review era * It's an honest portrayal of the turbulence of early adulthood where relationships , friends and even your sense of self are constantly shifting. the uncertainty and discomfort you feel during the early stages of relationships. where you wait for the other person to feel as much as you're feeling. It's about trying to connect with someone who feels out of reach. What I love so much about this album is how honest it is about the messiness of wanting someone. It might not be messy for a lot of you but for me it's a very sensitive period of my life where I experience falling short & the weight of my insecurities. The whole album brings familiar feelings that almost ache. It talks about the kind of loneliness that comes from being close to someone. It talks about stretching yourself so thin just to feel connected & clinging to whatever remains because you'd rather have something fragile than nothing at all. I love how real each song feels as if she tells us the secrets we keep even from ourselves. I love that it talks about the feeling of trying to hold on to people and moments that are slipping away & the panic of that feeling. 
It has all the highs and lows. 🤍

I identify as "cant hear without my subtitles"

They’re a quarter of my personality. They never call me Mommy. They don’t have faces though. For some reason, they just don’t. They have everything but a face. They have lives, their rooms are so warm, and their bedsheets are colorful. I tuck them in at night. I read them stories. I kiss them goodnight. I let them play. I let them be. They aren’t worried.

I don’t rush when I make their food. I don’t rush when I feed them. There’s time. I don’t rush them to grow up so fast. I don’t push them to understand everything right away. There’s time.

When it’s summer, and the sun doesn’t set until very late, we sit outside. They sit between my arms as we rock back and forth with the wind. I can hear their heartbeats. We’re always outside. We laugh outside. We play outside. We listen sometimes to the birds, sometimes to the trees, sometimes to music. Sometimes, we hear everything together.

It comes and goes. I drift in and out of reality. I think it’s unhealthy. I feel crazy, sometimes unstable. My stomach drops when I come back to the present. My heart sinks. But slowly & eventually I remember there’s time. When that thought settles in so does the calm. the weight lifts even just a little. I find myself breathing again softer steadier The storm quiets.There’s time.