We’ve all encountered situations where we have been criticised, so we all know how painful it can be. Community has always been very important to our survival, so evolution has wired our brains to give a great importance to how others perceive us, especially if it is someone close to us. I’ve seen friends developing anxiety over what they imagined others might think of them, and I have personally struggled with accepting both criticism and praise.
Since the opinions of others — real or imagined — can have such profound effects on our emotional lives, it is very important to know how to deal with it properly.
❤️ Take some time to breathe
Our instinctual response to criticism is to fight back: someone said something bad about me, so now I will point out faults in the other person. When we are not emotionally flooded, it’s easy to see how this approach only perpetuates the problem, and creates a cycle of suffering. The Buddha recognised that a suffering state of mind leads to actions that bring about more unhappiness: and that these cycles can be put an end to if we know where to intervene. (One may even say that this is the real meaning of the ‘cycle of death and rebirth’). So when we are in a situation where we are hurt, it’s important to take a few deep breaths to regain some clarity.
❤️ Examine the other person’s wisdom
Not all criticisms are created equal. The Buddha says that kind criticism from wise people, who have your best interest at heart, can be an opportunity to learn, and to grow. Seeing yourself from the external perspective of someone who has the psychological maturity to see things clearly can be extremely useful. That said, people like this are in short supply. Most people’s views are very much shaped by their emotions, trauma, memories, concepts, etc. Once you understand that people are limited in their views in this way, you can also see that their opinions about you don’t carry that much weight either. (And that goes for your opinions of others as well. You can never see the full picture about another person.)
❤️ Remember: it’s not about “you”
When people criticise something about us — our looks, our views, our intelligence, our actions — we are often hurt because we identify with these things. We think that we are our looks, our views, our intelligence, and our actions. But it is not exactly true. Human beings are complex entities that are made up of different mental states, bodily structures, and change from moment to moment. We can be in a certain way in a certain situation, and display a completely different face in another. So it is important to remember that when someone criticises you, even if it has some truth in it, it is only always a part of the truth — but it doesn’t define you in any way.
Since the opinions of others — real or imagined — can have such profound effects on our emotional lives, it is very important to know how to deal with it properly.
❤️ Take some time to breathe
Our instinctual response to criticism is to fight back: someone said something bad about me, so now I will point out faults in the other person. When we are not emotionally flooded, it’s easy to see how this approach only perpetuates the problem, and creates a cycle of suffering. The Buddha recognised that a suffering state of mind leads to actions that bring about more unhappiness: and that these cycles can be put an end to if we know where to intervene. (One may even say that this is the real meaning of the ‘cycle of death and rebirth’). So when we are in a situation where we are hurt, it’s important to take a few deep breaths to regain some clarity.
❤️ Examine the other person’s wisdom
Not all criticisms are created equal. The Buddha says that kind criticism from wise people, who have your best interest at heart, can be an opportunity to learn, and to grow. Seeing yourself from the external perspective of someone who has the psychological maturity to see things clearly can be extremely useful. That said, people like this are in short supply. Most people’s views are very much shaped by their emotions, trauma, memories, concepts, etc. Once you understand that people are limited in their views in this way, you can also see that their opinions about you don’t carry that much weight either. (And that goes for your opinions of others as well. You can never see the full picture about another person.)
❤️ Remember: it’s not about “you”
When people criticise something about us — our looks, our views, our intelligence, our actions — we are often hurt because we identify with these things. We think that we are our looks, our views, our intelligence, and our actions. But it is not exactly true. Human beings are complex entities that are made up of different mental states, bodily structures, and change from moment to moment. We can be in a certain way in a certain situation, and display a completely different face in another. So it is important to remember that when someone criticises you, even if it has some truth in it, it is only always a part of the truth — but it doesn’t define you in any way.