❤️ See criticism and praise as “winds”
In the Buddhist tradition, criticism and praise are seen as two of the eight “worldly winds”. The metaphor of wind is a really appropriate one: like the weather, people’s opinions change all the time, even among all the impermanent phenomena of the world, they are especially impermanent. If we let them, winds can carry us away, but if we are mindful, we can stand firmly, and just observe them as they blow. In the Lokavipatti Sutta, the Buddha says that ordinary people, who don’t know how to deal with their minds, are moved around by the winds of the world, but those who see them as they are, always changing and unimportant, can let them go.
This of course goes for positive words as well. Since people are bound by their misunderstandings, it’s not a good idea to take praise too seriously either. In my work I often feel that projects I have invested a lot of time and mental energy in go almost unnoticed, while small, easier things are singled out, and I receive a pat on the back for them. Thich Nhat Hanh has a good advice for receiving praise: when someone says something nice about you, you can always say (or at least, think): “You are partly right”. This way you acknowledge that praise is also just an opinion that arises from a human being with limitations, and you don’t get too attached to it.
❤️ Remember: people own their own words
In the Akkosa Sutta, the Buddha is insulted by a brahman. After he has calmly listened through all the badmouthing hurled at him, he had this conversation with him:
“Brahman, when you invite people at your house, serving them food — if they refuse your food, who does that food belong to?”
“It belongs to me, of course.”
“In the same way, as you gave me these words, and as I don’t accept them, they belong to you, only you.”
You always have the option to let the bad words remain with the one who said them. Looking even deeper, seeing that insults are signs of suffering, it can even be the beginning of compassion. You have the option to not let insults in. But the one who said is bound by their own mind, words, and actions.
At the end of the sutta, the Buddha reminds us:
In the Buddhist tradition, criticism and praise are seen as two of the eight “worldly winds”. The metaphor of wind is a really appropriate one: like the weather, people’s opinions change all the time, even among all the impermanent phenomena of the world, they are especially impermanent. If we let them, winds can carry us away, but if we are mindful, we can stand firmly, and just observe them as they blow. In the Lokavipatti Sutta, the Buddha says that ordinary people, who don’t know how to deal with their minds, are moved around by the winds of the world, but those who see them as they are, always changing and unimportant, can let them go.
This of course goes for positive words as well. Since people are bound by their misunderstandings, it’s not a good idea to take praise too seriously either. In my work I often feel that projects I have invested a lot of time and mental energy in go almost unnoticed, while small, easier things are singled out, and I receive a pat on the back for them. Thich Nhat Hanh has a good advice for receiving praise: when someone says something nice about you, you can always say (or at least, think): “You are partly right”. This way you acknowledge that praise is also just an opinion that arises from a human being with limitations, and you don’t get too attached to it.
❤️ Remember: people own their own words
In the Akkosa Sutta, the Buddha is insulted by a brahman. After he has calmly listened through all the badmouthing hurled at him, he had this conversation with him:
“Brahman, when you invite people at your house, serving them food — if they refuse your food, who does that food belong to?”
“It belongs to me, of course.”
“In the same way, as you gave me these words, and as I don’t accept them, they belong to you, only you.”
You always have the option to let the bad words remain with the one who said them. Looking even deeper, seeing that insults are signs of suffering, it can even be the beginning of compassion. You have the option to not let insults in. But the one who said is bound by their own mind, words, and actions.
At the end of the sutta, the Buddha reminds us:
You make things worse
when you flare up at someone who’s angry.
Whoever doesn’t flare up
at someone who’s angry
wins a battle hard to win.
You live for the good of both
— your own, the other’s —
when, knowing the other’s provoked, you mindfully grow calm.