It was his choice to deceive me, but I take full responsibility for “falling for it”.
I fell beneath my higher self, I allowed myself to be pulled from my center.
It took me 7 years!
7 years to finally come to terms with this.
If I had been able to pay for the help I needed, I may have come to it sooner but all in due time I guess... it is what it is.
10 years ago, I met a “spiritual mentor”.
He was wise.
I trusted him.
We were comrades.
He was a 76 year old man.
I hung out with him almost every day at a coffee shop engaged in meaningful conversations with a diverse group of interesting individuals from all over the world.
My words were respected for the first time ever in my life.
I was heard. I was seen. I finally had a sense of belonging.
For 3 years in this coffee shop,
I had NO CLUE that I was being targeted.
I had NO IDEA I was SURROUNDED by pedophiles and trafficking handlers.
They look like anyone else.
They preyed upon my weakness of feeling left out, unseen, unheard and unloved.
Sure, I knew I was sitting next to a former stripper turned spiritual massage therapist, I didn’t care, it wasn’t an issue...I didn’t think twice about the fact that my “spiritual mentor” lived in a motel, and had to beg for money to pay his rent, he had fallen on hard times...
I never met a stranger.
The homeless man was no different than the president to me. I spoke to everybody, I didn’t discriminate. I didn’t know how to discern.
I was 38, still trusting, still innocent. Single, Vulnerable and Beautiful, content with living alone. Although I was a born mother, I had accepted that I would never be a mother...
I thought my chances had passed.
For 3 years, I had NO inkling of a clue that I was being targeted and groomed to mother a daughter to which they planned on grooming and selling.
They had no interest in trafficking me,
They only had interest in grooming me AWAY from my child and grooming my child away from me so they could take her from me and sell her.
That was their malevolent intention.
My child’s father was a friend of my mentor.
He came like a thief in the night...
Blindsiding me...
Creating smoke and mirrors by telling me I am going through a “dark night of the soul”...
And it was...
It was a dark night.
It has been a dark night for 7 years now.
The first 22 months of my child’s life is a blur
I will NEVER get that time back with my child.
It’s gone forever, a born mother, wanted nothing more than a normal family...
We escaped and the real abuse began...
The pieces started coming together... all the bits of my shattered soul... returning one by one and I began to SEE the depth of abuse we were victims of...
I avoided the word “trafficking”... I didn’t want to face it, not me... I was too smart to be so deceived...
No. No one is immune. It is a DEEP deception.
Some might call me a survivor but am I truly surviving?...left to poverty, living off government pennies, it’s no life.
It was not my choice to be deceived.
It was my choice to be trusting and open.
Having No understanding of the value of boundaries, My vulnerability was used against me.
I was fooled.
I FELL for it.
The rage in me, is actually rage at myself.
My misery has been my inability to forgive myself for falling for such a horrific scam, A scam that destroyed my child’s chance at having a normal life...
The raging feelings of “murder” that have run through my veins in the last 7 years... thinking it would end my pain,
It wouldn’t.
The only thing that will end my pain...
Is to forgive myself for falling below my highest self,
to forgive myself for falling into grace, separated from the light (discernment) of god...
I could not see, I could only LOVE and now I have to forgive myself for falling for a scam...
A scam so massive, it destroyed our life for 7 years.
Today, I forgive myself.
It’s over now.
We begin again.
-Angela
I fell beneath my higher self, I allowed myself to be pulled from my center.
It took me 7 years!
7 years to finally come to terms with this.
If I had been able to pay for the help I needed, I may have come to it sooner but all in due time I guess... it is what it is.
10 years ago, I met a “spiritual mentor”.
He was wise.
I trusted him.
We were comrades.
He was a 76 year old man.
I hung out with him almost every day at a coffee shop engaged in meaningful conversations with a diverse group of interesting individuals from all over the world.
My words were respected for the first time ever in my life.
I was heard. I was seen. I finally had a sense of belonging.
For 3 years in this coffee shop,
I had NO CLUE that I was being targeted.
I had NO IDEA I was SURROUNDED by pedophiles and trafficking handlers.
They look like anyone else.
They preyed upon my weakness of feeling left out, unseen, unheard and unloved.
Sure, I knew I was sitting next to a former stripper turned spiritual massage therapist, I didn’t care, it wasn’t an issue...I didn’t think twice about the fact that my “spiritual mentor” lived in a motel, and had to beg for money to pay his rent, he had fallen on hard times...
I never met a stranger.
The homeless man was no different than the president to me. I spoke to everybody, I didn’t discriminate. I didn’t know how to discern.
I was 38, still trusting, still innocent. Single, Vulnerable and Beautiful, content with living alone. Although I was a born mother, I had accepted that I would never be a mother...
I thought my chances had passed.
For 3 years, I had NO inkling of a clue that I was being targeted and groomed to mother a daughter to which they planned on grooming and selling.
They had no interest in trafficking me,
They only had interest in grooming me AWAY from my child and grooming my child away from me so they could take her from me and sell her.
That was their malevolent intention.
My child’s father was a friend of my mentor.
He came like a thief in the night...
Blindsiding me...
Creating smoke and mirrors by telling me I am going through a “dark night of the soul”...
And it was...
It was a dark night.
It has been a dark night for 7 years now.
The first 22 months of my child’s life is a blur
I will NEVER get that time back with my child.
It’s gone forever, a born mother, wanted nothing more than a normal family...
We escaped and the real abuse began...
The pieces started coming together... all the bits of my shattered soul... returning one by one and I began to SEE the depth of abuse we were victims of...
I avoided the word “trafficking”... I didn’t want to face it, not me... I was too smart to be so deceived...
No. No one is immune. It is a DEEP deception.
Some might call me a survivor but am I truly surviving?...left to poverty, living off government pennies, it’s no life.
It was not my choice to be deceived.
It was my choice to be trusting and open.
Having No understanding of the value of boundaries, My vulnerability was used against me.
I was fooled.
I FELL for it.
The rage in me, is actually rage at myself.
My misery has been my inability to forgive myself for falling for such a horrific scam, A scam that destroyed my child’s chance at having a normal life...
The raging feelings of “murder” that have run through my veins in the last 7 years... thinking it would end my pain,
It wouldn’t.
The only thing that will end my pain...
Is to forgive myself for falling below my highest self,
to forgive myself for falling into grace, separated from the light (discernment) of god...
I could not see, I could only LOVE and now I have to forgive myself for falling for a scam...
A scam so massive, it destroyed our life for 7 years.
Today, I forgive myself.
It’s over now.
We begin again.
-Angela