Elegy of the Withering Touch

“The morning breaks so cold, so cold
My face it looks so old, so old
I rend my nails on the wall I've built around me
Only in the shade can I be free
Only in the shade I can be me”

- The Failure Epiphany, Draconian

I

O maiden with the obsidian eyes
And a smile that haunts
The ghosts of ages past,
What beckoned you to my presence?

My stare traced the contours of your face,
And all I felt within was sorrow.
Did you not see that my smile was of vanity?

O Evangeline,
As a buried corpse awakening from a dreamless slumber
To greet the first orchid upon its bed at dawn,
I greeted you for the first and final time.

Did you not see the mist that surrounded me?

II

I winced as I shook your delicate hand,
For everything I touch is bound to wither.

I leaned backward before I spoke,
For I didn't want you to pick up
The scent of a vintage cigarette.

I walked away before bidding a proper farewell,
For I felt the incisions upon my skin
Split open.

III

Did you not see the feathers of a dead sparrow
Left behind my desperate footsteps?

Did you not discern
A trail of unmarked blood?

Did you not fear the absence that lay
Within my bloodshot eyes?

IV

It took me two hundred days
To stitch the wound on a heart that has died ever since.

I buried it in a garden of flesh and bones.
Why were you standing there with a shovel?

Are you even aware of all this?

I assume you are not.

V

For a moment as brief as a dying man's final breath,
I saw you as a lotus afloat on a lake as still and serene.

I saw you as a moon who holds a light of her own.

I saw you as a poem that evokes a pleasant memory from a past life.

Do you understand?

VI

For a moment as transient as a dying man's final gaze,
I felt you in my arms,
Pointing at the shapeshifting clouds as we lay
Under an old cypress tree.

I felt your hands in mine
As we rushed across a busy street at night.

I felt your breath on the back of my neck
As the morning light fell through an open window.

VII

Dearest,
You merely uttered a few words to me,
And yet I felt as if you sang a thousand songs.

Do you understand?

Do you understand why I had to leave?

Do you understand why I walked away?

VIII

O maiden with the fluorescent eyes
And a voice that lures
The spirits of eons past,
Forgive me, for I have betrayed you.

I fear the ruin I bring.
Forgive me.
I bear the burden of my decay.
Forgive me.
Let the silence between us speak of my remorse.
Forgive me.