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Exploring? Confused?
This is a bit difficult to put into words, but it’s been on my mind for a while. I’m 19, studying in the IPM program at an IIM. It’s a well-known institute, but because it’s on the outskirts, it doesn’t really feel like the prestigious place people imagine. Sometimes it feels a bit lonely, isolated from the world.
To be honest, I’ve always been a bit unsure about my body. I wouldn’t call myself “fit” in the way society defines it. But I’m not fat either—just a little “thicc” in the right places, you know? I’ve always been curvy, and over time, I’ve grown to appreciate it. I’m not insecure about it anymore, but I do wonder if guys might judge me because I’m not stick-thin like some of the other girls. I feel healthy and happy with how I look, though.
I’ve only had one serious relationship, back in school. It was nice—he was gentle, sweet, everything you’d want at that age. Maximum I did was to blow him once, but nothing more ever happened between us. After him, I kissed two other guys, but it was never anything beyond that. I’ve always liked when guys are soft and respectful, taking their time. Maybe that’s why I never felt ready to go further—until recently.
This vacation, I came back to my hometown, and for the first time, I decided to try something different. I downloaded Hinge, just to see what might happen. That’s when I matched with him. He was different from the start—smart, engaging, and we connected really quickly. Our conversations were lasting for hours. I liked how he was straightforward but also fun to talk to. We talked about life, relationships, expectations—he made me feel understood.
Eventually, we decided to meet in person. It was early—around 4 a.m. I was nervous but excited. We met in his car, and we just drove around the quiet streets. The city was asleep, and it felt like the world belonged to just us. We talked a lot, but I was waiting for him to make a move. I kept expecting it, but he didn’t. He just kept driving, and I couldn’t tell if he was shy or just being polite.
At some point, we started playfully arguing about relationships—what they should be, how they work, it almost became like a funny fight. I lost the argument because, honestly, I couldn’t defend my point properly.
I’m not the best with words when I’m flustered, and he knew exactly how to twist them around. I thought that might be his moment to make a move, but instead, he told me how he prefers things to be clear from the start—no expectations of commitment or anything serious.
I don’t know what came over me, but I liked his honesty. I told him I liked how fun and relaxed this felt (our funny fight)—no pressure, just the two of us enjoying the moment.
Then, almost playfully, he mentioned how couples usually end such quarrels with sex.
I laughed and said, “Well, we could do something else, but not sex, since we’re not in a relationship.”
That’s when things shifted. He gave me a cute look instantly agreeing to it. I guided him to a quiet spot where we could park. I think he knew by then that I was open to something happening.
We stared at each other for a few seconds, while He leaned in and gently grabbed my neck, pulling me into a kiss. It was soft at first—exactly how I imagined it would be. His hands were on my waist, and I liked how it felt. For a few minutes, it was perfect.
But then, suddenly, his touch changed. His hands tightened around me, grabbing my hips and thighs harder. He started using his teeth, biting my lips, tugging at them, and his hands were all over me—gripping me in ways that felt rough, almost too much; when he began rubbing my clit… I was literally moaning.
I tried to keep up, but I wasn’t used to this level of intensity.
I had to ask him to slow down, he did slow down, buy again after 30seconds he was back to being him I guess, more than once—four or five times. But each time, he just looked at me and said with a cute smirk, “This is me being moderate.”
