Kaafi Lame 😎

They say "Happiness isn't a destination it's a choice " now what do I do when I choose stay gloomy ? When I just cannot stay cheerful in my present I keep lingering to the past and thinking about utopian future because harsh truth is I'm stuck I feel trapped this present is choking my neck I can't breathe I don't know what to do .. thinking about future calms me like you know oxygen to an anaemic person. I think I made you my destination....I think my heart beleives that even though life will keep throwing bigger hurdles I'll win I won't be trapped in a box with no air if you were by my side. You're my destination.
NO how could I just say that ? NO I'm happy I love my life everything is fine their is no destination life is about ceasing the day. NO all that is stupid.
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no matter how much dearly I want to choose happiness this emptiness in me won't leave it is swallowing every good in me like a freaking black hole . I hope this black hole doesn't eat my other half. I need my destination. It feels like walking bare feet in a lonesome deseart no water no companion just the scroching heat sucking life out of me. I want this to end any way either way just end just end .