* Nobody ever needed to draft up a goat-milking requirements document.
* You deliver applications to goats. Goats do not deliver applications to you.
* A goat will do practically anything do get more comfortable. Computers have been known to display the same error message over and over again, all day, without regard to how frequently or how hard the monitor has been hit, slapped, punched or kicked.
* You don't have to log off of a goat and listen to some silly "Exit Goat" sound effect for the next several minutes.
* You won't find out from your next phone bill that you milked your goat too much for your budget.
* On a goat, the SYS$ERR.LOG file is ALWAYS EMPTY.
* Operating systems come & go, but goats will probably never be "orphaned" as they are expected to be produced by their manufacturer for quite some time to come.
* There are no workstation licensing issues with goats.
* You don't get in trouble for milking a goat during business hours, and nobody cares if you reformat it.
* If it's late and you have a lot of goat-milking to do, at least you can see your kids before they have to go to bed. You can probably even make them help you milk your goats.
* You don't need 32 megs of RAM to get started milking your goat.
* Goat security is applied completely, thoroughly, and with all the features you'll ever need, using a stake and a rope.
* Nobody ever got a general protection fault milking a goat.
* You don't need to worry about your whole goat herd locking up if you put an ethernet goat and a token-ring goat together in the same stable.
* You don't name goats. If you do name goats, you can give two or more goats the same name and this will not interfere with your ability to access any of the goats.
* Your kids will not meet some pervert who wants to buy them a bus ticket when they play with a goat.
* There is no closely-watched dispute between Microsoft and any competitor, over who will dominate the goat-milking product industry. You will probably never be asked to check-mark a box that says, Make this my default goat-milking bucket.
* You do not want, need, or desire in any way for goats to run at a higher clock speed. And they don't.
* You do not need to use a wrist strap to ground yourself before milking, and there's never a need to put your goat in a little plastic baggie. Unless making goat steak
* There really aren't too many ways to improperly shut down a goat.
* Surrounded by a room full of younger goat farmers, you don't need to worry about dating yourself talking about 300-baud or 4.7-Mhz goats.
* y2k.
* You do not need to buy anything to "uninstall" a goat. Maybe a gun or a knife.
* Once you've filled a bucket with goat milk, the goat can crash and it doesn't matter whether you've "saved" or not. Just don't spill.
* When you buy a new goat, the goat does not need to re-write registry keys on the farm that could have unforeseen effects on the other animals already residing there.
* There are no easter eggs in a goat.
* Your wife will never yell at you for removing all of the RAM from her goat.
* You never need to learn Goat 2000, Goat Perfect 8, or Goat 123
* You don't need an Internal IPX Address to boot a Goat.
* Goats don't need a per-bucket license.
* You will never spend 4 hours upgrading a goat over the wire.
* There is no Goat Ops.
* Goats follow upgrade procedures.
* Goats eat org charts.
* If a goat gets an uncleanable virus, you shoot it.
* If a goat has a non-terminal virus it just does the poo-poo.
* Goats don't need pagers and never get a 'please advise'.
* Goats don't have to worry about whether or not it's Calcomp.
* A goat farmer doesn't care if people can't remotely access his herd.
* No MHN Goat herd.
* No one gives a rat's ass if the goats aren't talking to each other.
* Ever heard of a proprietary goat?
* No goat analysis meetings.
* No goat control meetings.
* No meetings.
* Goats will never need service pack 4.
* No DS problems at GOATADRIVE.
* You fuck the goat, he doesn't fuck you and the whole department.
* You deliver applications to goats. Goats do not deliver applications to you.
* A goat will do practically anything do get more comfortable. Computers have been known to display the same error message over and over again, all day, without regard to how frequently or how hard the monitor has been hit, slapped, punched or kicked.
* You don't have to log off of a goat and listen to some silly "Exit Goat" sound effect for the next several minutes.
* You won't find out from your next phone bill that you milked your goat too much for your budget.
* On a goat, the SYS$ERR.LOG file is ALWAYS EMPTY.
* Operating systems come & go, but goats will probably never be "orphaned" as they are expected to be produced by their manufacturer for quite some time to come.
* There are no workstation licensing issues with goats.
* You don't get in trouble for milking a goat during business hours, and nobody cares if you reformat it.
* If it's late and you have a lot of goat-milking to do, at least you can see your kids before they have to go to bed. You can probably even make them help you milk your goats.
* You don't need 32 megs of RAM to get started milking your goat.
* Goat security is applied completely, thoroughly, and with all the features you'll ever need, using a stake and a rope.
* Nobody ever got a general protection fault milking a goat.
* You don't need to worry about your whole goat herd locking up if you put an ethernet goat and a token-ring goat together in the same stable.
* You don't name goats. If you do name goats, you can give two or more goats the same name and this will not interfere with your ability to access any of the goats.
* Your kids will not meet some pervert who wants to buy them a bus ticket when they play with a goat.
* There is no closely-watched dispute between Microsoft and any competitor, over who will dominate the goat-milking product industry. You will probably never be asked to check-mark a box that says, Make this my default goat-milking bucket.
* You do not want, need, or desire in any way for goats to run at a higher clock speed. And they don't.
* You do not need to use a wrist strap to ground yourself before milking, and there's never a need to put your goat in a little plastic baggie. Unless making goat steak
* There really aren't too many ways to improperly shut down a goat.
* Surrounded by a room full of younger goat farmers, you don't need to worry about dating yourself talking about 300-baud or 4.7-Mhz goats.
* y2k.
* You do not need to buy anything to "uninstall" a goat. Maybe a gun or a knife.
* Once you've filled a bucket with goat milk, the goat can crash and it doesn't matter whether you've "saved" or not. Just don't spill.
* When you buy a new goat, the goat does not need to re-write registry keys on the farm that could have unforeseen effects on the other animals already residing there.
* There are no easter eggs in a goat.
* Your wife will never yell at you for removing all of the RAM from her goat.
* You never need to learn Goat 2000, Goat Perfect 8, or Goat 123
* You don't need an Internal IPX Address to boot a Goat.
* Goats don't need a per-bucket license.
* You will never spend 4 hours upgrading a goat over the wire.
* There is no Goat Ops.
* Goats follow upgrade procedures.
* Goats eat org charts.
* If a goat gets an uncleanable virus, you shoot it.
* If a goat has a non-terminal virus it just does the poo-poo.
* Goats don't need pagers and never get a 'please advise'.
* Goats don't have to worry about whether or not it's Calcomp.
* A goat farmer doesn't care if people can't remotely access his herd.
* No MHN Goat herd.
* No one gives a rat's ass if the goats aren't talking to each other.
* Ever heard of a proprietary goat?
* No goat analysis meetings.
* No goat control meetings.
* No meetings.
* Goats will never need service pack 4.
* No DS problems at GOATADRIVE.
* You fuck the goat, he doesn't fuck you and the whole department.