I've stopped asking what "optimal" is; in thia depression i am not seeking the happier version of me. I cant remember the last time i reached out for my child self i once was, the kid that loved sunshine and rain all at the same time. I started to see darkness around the lights instead of the other way around, and soon there were no more colors in my world. They say there is a rope ladder out of depression, one you can use to climb out of it, the problem is that i just cant find the will to reach out for the first rung, let alone try.
- R