Classical fuck.

Classical fuck was created exactly today in 2019 🫂
I think it aged well.

"The house was cleaned, and the tables were set out to make a room for you. Your coffin was brought out. The mourners came and wept, falling on the ground and mixing their tears with dirt. They scratched their faces and pulled out their hair. Funeral blues for you. I wonder if the cats notice your absence. I wonder if they wept too when I struggled to shed a tear. I still haven't cried for you.

I rested my head on the bathroom floor and played out the past year piece by piece, while a lump formed in my throat and fought me for air. The years to come seemed like a waste of breath, a waste of breath the years behind. I think I'm finally aware of your absence. At the same time, I feel your presence. Do you feel forgotten? I feel guilty avoiding the memory of you, but remembering you feels like touching broken glass and barbed wire. I felt awfully hollow all week, as if it was me that died. Grief wrapped me in its comfortless embrace. Missing you comes at the most unexpected times. Just when I think I have my life back, suddenly, with no warning, I get ambushed by grief."

On my way back home is where my thoughts thrive, where they construct themselves most intensely. While everyone is rushing home, we cross paths without really connecting, oblivious to the world around us. We share a thread of contemplation; we pass by one another while a battle unfolds within our minds: processing, deciding, grieving, daydreaming, yearning, planning.

The ride back home is both fast and slow. Sometimes, my thoughts drive me home, and I wouldn't have a recollection of the path I had taken. It consumes me, obscures my senses, and blinds me.

The ride back home also feels like an accomplishment or a simple ending. It doesn't have to be as big a deal as an accomplishment, just another day passing by. I asked someone what time it was, and they said, "February." Sometimes, I bump into the month while I look for the time on my lock screen. It's a reminder that another month has passed by me while I was entangled and consumed by my thoughts, just wallowing, drifting, passing. Weeks since I studied, a month since I went to church, six months since I saw her, nine months since my last tear fell, a year since his death, two years since I felt alive. Time passes, events unfold, people change while my thoughts consume me.

A homeless man who collects bottles and smokes cigarettes told me he was freer than I am. I looked around to see if he was talking to someone, only to realize it was just me and him on that street. My mind tries to deceive me, questioning the authenticity of both the words and the presence of a homeless man, even though I see him every day.

The ride back home on a February night. I don't know if I like the cold weather. The air is fresher in the morning but I feel a little sadder, a hint of loneliness started growing within me.maybe it's more than just a hint. I find myself craving to be held and cared for just to get the hypothetical comfort of losing all awareness and sensation by just the presence of the warmth of another body. Though my stomach folds not once but twice, my shoulders are broad too. My rings don't fit anymore, but my nails are longer even painted in green. I wear my hair down now. Am I desirable enough ? For you to hold me and care for me?

In that same February, I chose not to take the ride back home. Instead, I awoke at three in the morning, finding myself embraced by your arms. With purpose or accident , it mattered not. I welcomed the warmth and comfort that came with your presence and the feeling of your arms around me. The scent of you, the night, the darkness, and the sound of the rain filled the air & caused a lamp in my throat. It lasted more than seconds but not more than minutes. I regretted not holding you back. Because I once again was consumed by my thoughts.

a memory to share. In 8th grade , chemistry teacher gave us homework and nobody did it cause nobody understood what this man was fucking teaching. The genius we are we decided to tell him that he didn't give us any homework. What he did was he left the class , came back a few seconds later with a long fat ass GOMA and started whooping each & everyone of us . Bro TEGREFIN. Bro went around and hit about 27 students. And left the class and came back the second day to teach like he didn't beat our asses the past day.

What the fuck was that about ?? Normal new ? 😭😭 that was wild. Was it that necessary? The memory used to be funny but not anymore.

"My heart aches for what it cannot find, drenched in sorrow and anguish. It yearns to hold as many memories of you as possible. Within my mind , a dance of moments we once knew.
We once breathed the same air & filled the space between our bare skin with laughter. The gifts you gave me remain untouched because I fear bankrupting their essence. There's a book from you on the table , unread in the fear of losing your scent from the pages. A keychain. Beer bottle sticker in my wallet. Your socks in my drawer. Your clothes in my closet. Your pen in my bag. Your photos. Your messages. Your beautiful face carved inside my brain.Every corner carries a trace of your memory. A testament to the love we once shared , a testament to you and me. Your clothes aren't meant to be put in the basket with the rest of my dirty laundry , nor are your socks. They're not meant to be cheapen that way.your love isn't meant to be compared with another lover too. As long as the memory of you brings comfort to my heart , even on days it fails , even on days your name cuts so deep that it lets my insides spill out and stings with pain , I will cling to you and your memories. It's comfortable. Your memory feels like home. I plan to live in it for a while until your contagious laughter completely erases itself"

How do you deal with nostalgia? Because for me i'm always torn apart with shooing it away or following it which have their own things that follow. These days i'm getting more and more nostalgic about the stuff me and my dad did or what he's done. So when shooing it away i get the feeling that i'm desecrating his memories or i didnt do right by him and i'll forget it. By following the nostalgia i get sucked into this deep reminiscent state from which i begin to day dream and run my memories like an old film*like projector sound and all to be honest* and the way my mind works is, as far as i know, it connects those with instances of stuff that happened during or have the same sort of situation and that leads to more deep thought and time flies by. I was trying to warm up to ask about a solution here but as you've seen i get side tracked, like a lot😂😂😂, so question is which is better running with the nostalgia? or shooing it away? neither is an option too if theres a person that doesnt get nostalgic where i've never met none.

Do you ever look at the people you know for a long time and notice them becoming a completely different person everyday. do you ever wonder which event , which heart break , which loss, which episode of their life changed them into this completely different person they have become permanently. do you ever just wonder what did it ? Is it just me ? 😂

"I like to be in places that remind me I am alive. Where I look around to take it in more and it quiets the mind. where my body doesn't have to react , where my nervous system is relaxed. Where I feel supported , calm and safe. where I can take a deep breath and feel every ounce of love I possess , radiate , Not where I disassociate. I like to be in places and around people who are honest and inviting. where we feel close to something within , something beyond. Our hearts , our bodies , our souls present together. where we can be unabashedly ourselves. kind and silly , full of love. weird , strange and fierce. where we can hold eachother close and sit with our fears with no telling of the future but wrapped in the moments. we spend bathing in our light remembering spirit has no end and i know this exists here and now but i'd like to be in places that you feel God around."

Bruh.
Sometimes, a person can be inadequate to date someone. Some things are beyond our capacity to provide for certain people.These could be things we are unable to do or lack knowledge about , depending on their level of understanding or habits or experience. bcha deep down you know someone else aligns better with their energy than you do .This observation has nothing to do with low self-esteem or similar issues y'all might say. it's simply a reality. A fact. By accepting this fact sooner we can minimize the number of people who experience heartbreak due to not acknowledging this truth. It is possible for someone to be out of our league shortly! not talking bout financially but emotionally, mentally...sometimes we cannot afford some people and that's okay.

I can't believe y'all don't fuck with banana gum. Lately If you ask a group of people if they want gum they'll say yes & change their mind as soon as they find out it's banana.
Why ? I think it's chill.

Lately, I've noticed that I've been actively avoiding befriending new people and instead share my life with the same two three people & kinda like keeping my distance.🫸🏼 Lowkey made me feel concerned like "damn this where my life is at rn"

However , took a moment of deep thinking💭 & it dawned on me that companionship is completely optional. It's a matter of personal preference. because being in certain friendships or belonging to a certain group usually comes with the annoying expectation of aligning oneself with others , like having to conform to their standards. Being expected to talk like they talk. Think like they think. Do as they do.the more people we surround ourselves with the more judging eyes we endure.

Personally I find it suffocating to confirm these social expectations. It leaves me feeling insecure even. That's why I've decided to minimize the number of people I interact with. This way, I can be whoever I want whenever I want without anyone questioning me, you know?😂

So, my point is I don't think there's anything wrong with my choice. If you happen to feel like a terrible person for enjoying your own company personally I think it's totally fine. That's where my head is at rn lmao I don't think it's that deep we're low-key chilling better than the rest.🫱🏿‍🫲🏾

People who name the blunt while it's going around, with a whole gender , kristna sem mnamn >>> 😍

I am not being SEXIST I'm just sharing!

Recently I learned some new information from a group of male acquaintances.🤫

It appears that a significant portion of the male population finds enjoyment in being slapped during sex specifically missionary. In a sense like " anger me so I could go faster".on the other hand when men slap women during sex theyre saying If I slap you it means that I don't respect you enough to believe that you can handle a punch, in other words I'm calling u a bitch.

Is this true ? Let's talk about it. How do you guys feel about this information 😂

At the end of the day what we all have to realize is that life fucks everyone in different ways. We're all being fucked in different positions.💀