After the Storm: Part II
The rain had stopped,
but inside me,
it kept falling.
I walked to the garden,
her kitchen light behind me,
her shadow moving slowly—
a habit of love
that I barely noticed
when I was young.
I think of my wife now.
Her smile,
the way she laughed at things
I thought were small,
the way she loved me
when I didn’t deserve it.
I didn’t care enough,
didn’t see her for what she was,
until the day she was gone.
She told me once,
“You’re always somewhere else,”
and I shrugged it off.
Now I know where I was—
lost in myself,
blinded by my own storms.
She left quietly,
as if she didn’t want to disturb me,
even in death.
And when they called to tell me,
I stood still,
the phone cold in my hand.
I didn’t cry.
Not then.
But now, I feel her absence
in the spaces she used to fill—
her favorite chair,
the empty side of the bed,
her cup cooling on the table.
My mother sees it.
She doesn’t ask,
but her silence speaks louder
than anything else.
Her love feels like forgiveness,
though I haven’t earned it.
I kneel in the dirt,
the rosemary brushing my fingers.
My wife loved this garden.
She planted these roots
while I stood in the doorway,
too busy to help.
The rain has stopped,
but the ground is soft.
I press my hands into the earth,
as if I can find her here,
as if I can say,
“I’m sorry.”
This is how loss feels—
not like thunder,
but like the quiet after,
when the world keeps going
and you are left behind,
still soaked in the storm.