Life is so long and so short at the same time. I would take it in its endless length when I admire at the birds talking to each other in the morning, when a silence binds us while we are so far in our thoughts. All these long, dense times, I want to be bored like I'm in a hurry. And when I choose life in a quickly mode, I love it at this rate because it relieves me of fear, it makes me proud of having been able to fill a day to rest at night. But it also terrifies me when it reminds me of humility. I have nothing, everything is tools that are abandoned, everything is God's. So I plunge back into the darkness of questioning: and after death, will I be judged as good enough? I want to love you all so desperately, and feel loved in abundance. Life is scary when you realize you've used it badly.