A Longing for the Night.

They say "it will heal"
But will it, when i keep scratching it open every night?

Some days, I feel everything at once. Other days, I feel nothing at all. I don't know what's worse: drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst.

I'm still holding on so that I can let go.

Everything I wanted in life was unsure

1:Things we carry

"Oh, what is this?" He sounds concerned, I raise my head with a confused look dancing across my deep black irises. My eyes quickly find the path they were destined to look for. Some lines here and there, not that red anymore but still a very alive reminder of what happened in the past...what have had been on my mind since such early times of my teenage days.
I chuckle and close my eyes, as my sleeve covers that god awful area a soft string of words leave my mouth "These? Nothing. My cat."
And just like that, the subject is forgotten. No one cares anyway, do they? Some words get passed some feelings happen for a while and then, nothing. Just silence and silence and silence and...
Some people call them bar code lines. It's supposed to be humiliating but like bar codes, these also show someones worth. How they have managed to get out of a nerve wrecking situation and shine bright. The marks are there, marks of a battle with a beast.
It weights a lot, it's heavy and it's like an omen that does not go away that easily. But I try my best to manage it. My battle is not over, it's not something that goes away with strong will, no. It lurks in the shadows, it feeds off of my smallest fears and lets the rotten flowers of doubt blossom in my heart.
Next time, he doesn't pull up my sleeve and just stares at the place he knows they exists. I know he wants to see them but I don't let a single word escape my mouth. After a few tiks of the clock he looks up and blinks. Yet, no words get exchanged. Just a simple sigh.
I don't need to hear anything, I can see it. I can feel it. And you know what? That's enough for me.
"Hey, whatever ruined your past doesn't matter anymore. Whatever made you get this mad and act stupid is not important to me. Hey, I'm always here for you. Okay? You won't be alone through anything, I'm gonna help you but I also won't get involved too much. It's your battle, you should be your own hero but, I'm the home you can run back to when everything is too hard to carry."

Damn I probably should...
*5 days pass without me moving from my bed*

They say a woman's first blood doesn't come from between her legs
but from biting her own tongue.

People are disappointing, from now on I'm only interested in conversing with cats.

Trade my joy for my protection.

اینم از من.