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hi, i am 17 years old and by the type i am writing this, it's only a hundred days something left before i graduate and leave high school and learn to eventually become an adult. I struggle a lot with maintaining friendships, and relationships in general.
i show strong signs of being neurodivergent, but since my parents refused to get me diagnosed, unfortunately i cannot say anything further. anyway, this year was... not really a good year for me. There's this girl in class, which we'll call her Az— We were friends, or so I thought ever since we were 13 but ever since we're in the same class when we were 15, apparently she had always hated me.
granted, she was rude and all and i always find it quite odd and offputting how she acts like an angel in front of my friends but acts so... different with me. i don't understand, we barely have any interactions together and yet, this person hates me. it's even worse because in class she'd sit at the very front, consistently looking back. and most of the time, this meant looking at me since im sitting on the far right, somewhere in the middle row.
ive caught her giving me sideeyes and such, and it's even worse when my friends would tell me what she had said about me behind my back. I've always believed in "ignorance is bliss" since i overthink a lot and i suffer from anxiety, so when my friend made me aware of this, i didn't know what peace is.
other than that, my other friend as we'll call her Dori, had a fight with one of my closest friend, as we'll call her, Hanzel. Hanzel and I have been friends since we were 16, and she has been nothing but sincere to me. I knew Dori since I was 15, but we weren't close, per say.
Dori and Hanzel had a fight, and I who knew nothing, Dori came to me and told me how Hanzel has been talking behind my back, calling me a "crazy girl" and "knew i wouldn't last with my ex" as we recently broke up. Apparently, Dori also told Hanzel about me breaking up with my ex and told Hanzel to keep it a secret from me, which obviously im even more hurt about.
what makes it even worse is that, i believed Dori and deadass thought Hanzel HATED me when she actually doesn't. We cleared our misunderstandings and i apologized to Hanzel for so many times, I felt... ashamed, stupid of myself for believing Dori. I didn't know what to feel nor do from that point beyond.
and yet, today, they told me that i should stop living in my comfort zone and i should learn how to acknowledge and perceive people so that i wouldn't get hurt. But if I perceive and acknowledge people, that would only end up with me learning information that I'm not supposed to know, and in the end, i only overthink and get myself hurt. Yet, if I'm oblivious and dont care about the people around me, I'd be blind to who everyone truly is.
i don't know what to do at this point. in general, i am a very friendly and a talkative person, and i can become friends with everyone, just anyone in general. But still. Seems like this was the ultimate price that I had to pay.
any form of advice or support is appreciated. I don't know what to do and i think i should just stop living since of how difficult it is to handle people... I'm afraid that I've reached a dead end, and i wish... life came with a guide by guide manual on how to make friends, who to avoid and how to control my emotions since I'm a very... emotionally fragile person.
thank you, if you've read this. Again, any form of advice is greatly appreciated.
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#0491
hi, i am 17 years old and by the type i am writing this, it's only a hundred days something left before i graduate and leave high school and learn to eventually become an adult. I struggle a lot with maintaining friendships, and relationships in general.
i show strong signs of being neurodivergent, but since my parents refused to get me diagnosed, unfortunately i cannot say anything further. anyway, this year was... not really a good year for me. There's this girl in class, which we'll call her Az— We were friends, or so I thought ever since we were 13 but ever since we're in the same class when we were 15, apparently she had always hated me.
granted, she was rude and all and i always find it quite odd and offputting how she acts like an angel in front of my friends but acts so... different with me. i don't understand, we barely have any interactions together and yet, this person hates me. it's even worse because in class she'd sit at the very front, consistently looking back. and most of the time, this meant looking at me since im sitting on the far right, somewhere in the middle row.
ive caught her giving me sideeyes and such, and it's even worse when my friends would tell me what she had said about me behind my back. I've always believed in "ignorance is bliss" since i overthink a lot and i suffer from anxiety, so when my friend made me aware of this, i didn't know what peace is.
other than that, my other friend as we'll call her Dori, had a fight with one of my closest friend, as we'll call her, Hanzel. Hanzel and I have been friends since we were 16, and she has been nothing but sincere to me. I knew Dori since I was 15, but we weren't close, per say.
Dori and Hanzel had a fight, and I who knew nothing, Dori came to me and told me how Hanzel has been talking behind my back, calling me a "crazy girl" and "knew i wouldn't last with my ex" as we recently broke up. Apparently, Dori also told Hanzel about me breaking up with my ex and told Hanzel to keep it a secret from me, which obviously im even more hurt about.
what makes it even worse is that, i believed Dori and deadass thought Hanzel HATED me when she actually doesn't. We cleared our misunderstandings and i apologized to Hanzel for so many times, I felt... ashamed, stupid of myself for believing Dori. I didn't know what to feel nor do from that point beyond.
and yet, today, they told me that i should stop living in my comfort zone and i should learn how to acknowledge and perceive people so that i wouldn't get hurt. But if I perceive and acknowledge people, that would only end up with me learning information that I'm not supposed to know, and in the end, i only overthink and get myself hurt. Yet, if I'm oblivious and dont care about the people around me, I'd be blind to who everyone truly is.
i don't know what to do at this point. in general, i am a very friendly and a talkative person, and i can become friends with everyone, just anyone in general. But still. Seems like this was the ultimate price that I had to pay.
any form of advice or support is appreciated. I don't know what to do and i think i should just stop living since of how difficult it is to handle people... I'm afraid that I've reached a dead end, and i wish... life came with a guide by guide manual on how to make friends, who to avoid and how to control my emotions since I'm a very... emotionally fragile person.
thank you, if you've read this. Again, any form of advice is greatly appreciated.
✨✨✨
#0491