LIFE with Shubham Ajmera

A Letter to My Younger Self (And to Anyone Struggling Like Me)

Have you ever felt like you’re living in every past relationship all at once—every friendship, every love, every goodbye—like pieces of your heart are scattered across time and space? I do. It’s a constant storm of flashbacks, regrets, and unmet expectations. And honestly, I’m exhausted from living in the past, replaying every misstep like it’s some sort of cruel personal Netflix series on infinite loop.

Here’s the thing—I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t sign up to be this walking scrapbook of old attachments. But somewhere along the way, I left pieces of my heart with people I thought deserved them. Spoiler alert: many didn’t. And now I’m here, trying to figure out why I turned myself into a human vending machine of emotions, dispensing love and attention as if I had an endless supply.

Looking back, I wish I hadn’t handed out pieces of myself so easily, wish I hadn’t mistaken attention for validation or flirtation for connection. I wish I had paused, taken a step back, and asked, “Is this me? Is this what I truly want?” But no one teaches us these things. Especially not guys like me, born into societies where “impressing girls” was the ultimate flex, a measure of our worth, and a badge of masculinity. I wasn’t living—I was auditioning, trying to prove to the world and myself that I was worth something.

And let me tell you, validation is a drug. One rejection? No problem—let’s find someone else to woo. Breakup? Let’s patch the hole with the next “connection.” It wasn’t about love or even companionship—it was about not sitting with my feelings. Because God forbid I stopped and thought, “Hey, what does all this really mean? What does this say about me?” No, thinking was scary. Thinking was for monks and people who meditate at 5 AM.

So I didn’t think. I acted. Over and over again. Like a contestant in a never-ending reality show titled “How Many People Can You Impress Before You Completely Lose Your Sense of Self?” And now, I’m sitting here with a trophy cabinet full of memories I didn’t even want, haunted by flashbacks of friendships and relationships that didn’t just fade—they imploded.

“Know your wiring.” That’s the lesson I’ve learned, and it’s one I wish someone had told me earlier. It’s not about judging others or shaming any lifestyle—be it hook-up culture, casual dating, or something else. It’s about knowing your own limits, your emotional bandwidth, and your capacity to let go.

I didn’t know mine. I thought I could keep moving, keep adding, keep experiencing without consequence. What some call fun, I call scars. What others move on from in a week, I carry for years. My brilliant brain decided to turn every attachment into a lifelong subscription. Friends I haven’t spoken to in years still pop up in my mind like unskippable ads.

Feeling guilt, regret, and sadness over people you should’ve let go of long ago. Wishing you had been more careful, more thoughtful, more aware of what you were doing to your own mind and soul.

And now here I am. Realizing that all the “fun” I had wasn’t fun at all—it was me avoiding myself. My autopilot was set to “distract and move on,” but now, the system’s shut down, and I have to deal with the wreckage. And let me tell you—it’s messy.

So what’s the lesson here? Simple: know your wiring. Before you date, attach, or even friend someone deeply, ask yourself: Can I handle this?, Am I the kind of person who can let go?, Is this going to nourish me, or am I about to collect another scar for the scrapbook?

And to anyone like me—stop and think now. Save yourself the years of emotional baggage. Be careful with your heart. It’s not a trophy to hand out, nor is it a testing ground for validation. It’s yours, and it deserves better.

-Ajju (Accha laga toh react kiya karo)

Schedule for posting this notes and channel for the same! (Note the channel carefully)

Mains notes on 18th December, 12:00 pm in channel: https://t.me/+SjK0XLJ6sYZmZjQ1

Prelims notes on 19th December channel: https://t.me/essaysandbeyond

PSIR notes on 20th December in channel: https://t.me/+SjK0XLJ6sYZmZjQ1

Further let us all express our gratitude to Shantanu who has been kind enough to organise everything so well and creating the best set of topper notes out there!

Hello Everyone, recieved this message from a topper, who has been a messiah in note making A.K.A - Shantanu Malani! (WILL BE POSTING SCHEDULE OF POSTING THIS NOTES SOON)

This is Shantanu Malani - AIR 113 - CSE 2021 (Post Independence History - I know). I got to know that my GS 3 notes - who Shubham Ajmera (my dear friend - who helped me a lot in PSIR and Life) posted on this channel - are helping few aspirants. So I requested Shubham - if he could post all my notes here which might be helpful for aspirants and he generously agreed.

So - I am posting those in 3 Sections sort - Prelims, Mains and PSIR Optional - with a Doc for each regarding Lessons that I have learned regarding for these three - along with my Notes which helped me crack UPSC CSE. If it aids your preperation or makes the colossal task of completeing CSE syllabus easier - it will make me happy. You may find few notes to be worthwhile but few notes to be useless - So revise again and again the prior and Ctrl+Alt+Del the later.

Documents will include-

Prelims -
1. Few Lessosn Learned for Preliims (Sort of Preparation Strategy)
2. Six Quick Revision Notes (QRN) in form of Excel Sheets for Polity, Eco, Env, Geo, Modern History, Diesases.

[Note: For Prelims - I am proud of Polity QRN and a bit about Eco and MH QRN - Rest see if it helps you]

Mains
1. Few lessons learned for Mains (Sort of Preparation Strategy)
2. Essentials of GS Answer Writing (Based on my learnings)
3. Notes for Essay, GS1, GS2, GS3 and GS4 (Excel for Ethics)

[Note: For Mains - I am proud of Essay, GS2 and GS3 QRN and a bit about Essentails of GS Answer writing Doc - Rest see if it helps you)

PSIR -
1. PSIR - Advice to Young Ranjanian (Sort of Preparation Strategy)
2. PSIR Paper 1 Notes
3. PSIR Paper 2 Notes
4. PSIR Paper 2 - 90 Keywords (with space for 10 to make it 100 - Lol!)
5. What is “Flow” Bro?! Doc.

[Note for PSIR: I am proud of Minds Maps that I have made of various topics to cover them in Single Page - Rest see if it helps you]

Hope you find them useful. These notes are a product of hard work, love, sincereity and lot of time waste which I shouldn’t have done - Lol. But now that have done it - You can save some of your time.

Please don’t follow me on Social Media because I am not there on any.

- Shantanu.

Anyone in Ranchi and is looking to meet? (14th-16th) (Will be in delhi too around 16-18th) and after that Pune! Dekhtey hain kitne log hain etc and can plan accordingly! (Drop a text at @sidiswel )

The Art of Giving Up: When Letting Go is the Right Choice (Speaking from my experience of giving all 6 attempts) not asking you to quit or stay in prep but just think of it this way, especially if like me it was your 6th attempt! Take time before you think anything!

In a world that glorifies perseverance, giving up can feel like failure, but sometimes, it's the bravest thing we can do. Learning when to let go is as important as knowing when to fight, and understanding this art can lead to growth, peace, and new beginnings.

🔹Why Sometimes Giving Up is Important
1. Not Every Fight is Worth Winning
In "The Gambler" (2014), Mark Wahlberg’s character reflects: "The wise man knows when to walk away from the table."
Sometimes, stubbornness keeps us in situations that are not meant for us. Walking away can protect our time, energy, and well-being.

2. Room for Growth and New Beginnings
Paulo Coelho writes in The Alchemist: “If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return.”
Giving up on certain paths creates space for new opportunities and the discovery of better, more aligned dreams.

3. Avoiding the Sunk Cost Trap
Movies like La La Land show us that love, dreams, and ambitions can change. Both characters realize that clinging to an ideal version of their shared dreams would hold them back from personal fulfillment. The courage to say goodbye is sometimes necessary to let each person grow.

4. Protecting Mental Health
In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* by Mark Manson, he argues: “The key to a good life is not giving a fck about more; it’s giving a fck about less.”
We can’t do everything. Holding on to toxic relationships, dead-end jobs, or unrealistic goals drains our energy and joy. Letting go allows us to focus on what truly matters.

5. Acceptance vs. Resistance
As Tyler Durden says in Fight Club, "It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything."
Resisting change often prolongs suffering. Embracing loss and endings gives us the freedom to rebuild ourselves on new terms.

🔹How to Know When to Let Go
Ask Yourself: Is this worth the emotional and mental cost?

🔹Reflect: Are you holding on out of habit, fear, or ego?

🔹Reframe Giving Up: What if this isn’t giving up but growing out of something?

🔹The Beauty of Giving Up🔹

Sometimes, giving up isn’t defeat but redirection. Like a river that flows around obstacles, life takes unexpected turns. In Japanese culture, there’s a saying: “Let go or be dragged.” When we release our grip on what no longer serves us, we open ourselves to new possibilities.

Giving up is not the opposite of trying. It’s choosing which battles are worth fighting and accepting that some dreams, relationships, and paths are best left behind. In the words of Elizabeth Gilbert from Eat, Pray, Love: “You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That’s the only thing you should be trying to control.”

Letting go isn't weakness. It's grace. Sometimes, surrender is the most powerful step we can take.
Keep following: https://t.me/essaysandbeyond

To Nostalgia (forgotten friendships, love and people)

It’s not amnesia—it’s a deliberate choice. A defense mechanism. A silent agreement to erase the pages of a book you both wrote together. Those lost friends and lovers, those people who you knew like back of the hands, did crazy stuff with, now slowly with time we will start forgetting what thier faces looked like!

The irony lies in the fact that the more you knew them, the more you believed they’d always be there. That people don’t walk away from the kind of connection that feels like home. It’s a cruel paradox of human nature—how we guard our hearts by denying them. How we protect our pride by pretending indifference. And yet, deep down, we know: a part of us will always wonder what could have been, had we chosen kindness over silence, vulnerability over ego.

The stranger for you today was the person who knew you to well (be it your love, your friends or anyone!) That’s the weight you carry. That’s the irony of it all. The heart, for all its resilience, never really forgets the places it has been. It only learns to live with the empty spaces.

So, here’s the truth: You can try to be strangers. You can avoid their gaze, ignore their presence, and bury the memories. But some people leave footprints on your soul that time can’t erase.

After all this no one can be stranger, You’re not really strangers—you’re just two people pretending the past didn’t happen. And maybe that’s the saddest thing of all. Or maybe, just maybe, the convience to stay busy, is easier than to tackle such complex things and deal with emotions. We humans have a crazy attraction towards ease, and not reaching out is easier than showing vulnerability and nakednes!

Ajju

Friends, can you give me some honest feedback on this? Awesome hain na? Any more improvements needed?

In addition I can make such flashcards for more important themes too! Suggest me some important themes for such documents and Drop your feedback on this document @Sidiswel

Dear Distinguished Procrastinators,

NOTE THIS MESSAGE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE, AND if you relate, i guess its time to introspect with a smile!

So, Wow, what a remarkable achievement—yet another day of scrolling through memes, chai and sending meaningless hi's? instead of cracking open your books. Bravo! Truly, you're on track to become professional excuse-makers.

Let’s take a moment to applaud your dedication to doing absolutely everything except what matters. Classes? Ignored. Notes? Untouched. Future? Oh, who needs one when you can binge-watch series and perfect the art of "I'll do it tomorrow"? Genius.

But hey, no worries! It’s not like exams are sneaking up on you like a ninja. Success can wait, right? The world loves a good underachiever story. Think of the motivational posters that’ll feature you: "Dream big, procrastinate bigger."

But seriously, maybe—just maybe—you could try something new. Like, I don’t know, studying. It’s wild, I know, but it might actually help you avoid a nervous breakdown when exams hit. So grab those books, put your phone on silent, and act like your future depends on it—because spoiler alert: it does.

Go ahead. Surprise us. Be the plot twist we didn’t see coming.

Your Loving Sadist,
Shubham Ajmera
(Please see the lighter part of it)

☄️Newspaper Snippet: Important Fact Prelims + Mains

✍️ FSSAI issued a warning against calcium carbide for usage in food ripening

✍️ ISRO sets the goal of debris free space by 2030

Seeing last years trend here are some defence related snippets

✔️ ‘DURGA-2’ indigenous laser weapon system by DRDO

✔️’Trishul’ Border patrol surveillance drone

✔️ Nagastra-1 India’s first Indigenous built suicide drone

Hit 💚 to appreciate efforts and Keep following: https://t.me/essaysandbeyond

(Will continue making this if you show your support)

Revise "Newspaper Snippet" in one go

Day 1 Mains enrichment- click here

Day 2 Best practices- click here

Day 3 Essay, Ethics, GS 3- click here

Day 4 Prelims- click here

Day 5 Mains plus prelims- click here

Day 6 Prelims- click here

Day 7 Prelims- click here

Happy Learning :)
Hit ❤️ once you have read all days (or revised) follow: https://t.me/essaysandbeyond

[It will only take 10 mins, don’t be lazy to save and do for later, some other day never comes, good quality content hain, almost spoon feed, cover up everyday, as an accountability mechanism react once done]

“The drift of time” (Thoda senti hoon, accha likha hain na?)

There was a time when human connections felt eternal, unshakable. We believed in the promises of forever. But time, like a quiet thief, reshapes even the firmest of foundations. And perhaps, that is its nature—to test what can endure and to let the rest slip into oblivion.

The truth is, people don’t always change out of malice. They don’t wake up one day intending to drift away. It’s subtler than that. It’s the quiet erosion of bonds by the tides of convenience and priorities. People, by nature, gravitate toward what demands less of them, what feels lighter, what aligns better with their evolving narrative.

And yet, we remain the fools, We pour our hearts into a story, forgetting that others may only be writing a chapter. It isn’t betrayal—it’s just life’s quiet way of reminding us people sometimes don't mean everything they say, we are all flawed Humans, its okay, forgive them!

Should we then guard our hearts? Should we love less to protect ourselves? No, that would make us no different from those who drift. The heart, no matter how battered, is meant to feel, to believe, and to endure. To love is to take on the responsibility of pain without resentment.

But wisdom lies in acceptance. To accept that not everyone is meant to stay. To accept that loyalty is not universal. And most importantly, to accept that people can choose to leave—and that their departure does not diminish our worth.

In the end, how we rebuild after each storm, in how we transform hurt into strength, and in how we refuse to let the actions of others dictate the vastness of our hearts. The world is unpredictable, a jungle of shifting alliances and fleeting care. But our journey is our own. And it is up to us to walk it with grace, resilience, and the a spirit which is understanding and compassionate!

~Ajju (Shubham Ajmera)