I don’t bring anyone happiness
I found this subreddit with a google of “I don’t deserve to live” and I really don’t. I don’t know if I’m going to do it yet. Lately, I’ve been contemplating walking out of my house and hopping on a train and going to the nearest big city and just existing there, in the streets, with no warning.
I’m afraid to die. I’m afraid of what’s out there- or what isn’t. It’s one of the few things that’s kept me here so far.
I know the usual advice. I know that my family will miss me. I know that I’ll bring them pain. But really, they’ll get over it. They’ll realize that I’ll stop being the burden that I am to them. Their lives will become easier as they will no longer have to support me emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially. They will be free. They will be free of me, even if it will take time for them to realize it. What better gift could I give to them?
I am nothing. I have done nothing important, I will not do anything important. I don’t have it in me to make this situation better. I will continue to be nothing but a burden to the people I love who love me until the day I die.
I know the advice that this is temporary... but it isn’t, really. There could be good parts of my life, but the bad will always come back. The bad will always exist. I can not reverse the problems in my brain that prevent me from living the way I want to. I have tried so many medications, so many different types of therapy, so many types of thinking. I always come back to the same thing: this is the way I was wired and it cannot be fixed.
I was the same. I am the same. I will always be the same.
I am a burden. I have done nothing with my life. Few people care, and the few people that care are the people I hurt. I will never be anything important. If I become important to specific people, either I will eventually hurt them or they will eventually hurt me. How long can I keep doing this? I don’t think I can do it much longer,
I don’t want to, which is why I’m posting here. I want *someone* to convince me to live. I want *someone* to convince me that I deserve to, that I’m more than what I think I can.
I’m doubtful anyone will achieve this. I know what I am. I know I’m going to be on the streets soon, and I know it would be helpful for me to either get rid of myself by living there or by stopping my existence. Maybe I’m manic. I don’t know. I just want this to fucking stop.
https://redd.it/i56c9i
@r_suicidewatch
I found this subreddit with a google of “I don’t deserve to live” and I really don’t. I don’t know if I’m going to do it yet. Lately, I’ve been contemplating walking out of my house and hopping on a train and going to the nearest big city and just existing there, in the streets, with no warning.
I’m afraid to die. I’m afraid of what’s out there- or what isn’t. It’s one of the few things that’s kept me here so far.
I know the usual advice. I know that my family will miss me. I know that I’ll bring them pain. But really, they’ll get over it. They’ll realize that I’ll stop being the burden that I am to them. Their lives will become easier as they will no longer have to support me emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially. They will be free. They will be free of me, even if it will take time for them to realize it. What better gift could I give to them?
I am nothing. I have done nothing important, I will not do anything important. I don’t have it in me to make this situation better. I will continue to be nothing but a burden to the people I love who love me until the day I die.
I know the advice that this is temporary... but it isn’t, really. There could be good parts of my life, but the bad will always come back. The bad will always exist. I can not reverse the problems in my brain that prevent me from living the way I want to. I have tried so many medications, so many different types of therapy, so many types of thinking. I always come back to the same thing: this is the way I was wired and it cannot be fixed.
I was the same. I am the same. I will always be the same.
I am a burden. I have done nothing with my life. Few people care, and the few people that care are the people I hurt. I will never be anything important. If I become important to specific people, either I will eventually hurt them or they will eventually hurt me. How long can I keep doing this? I don’t think I can do it much longer,
I don’t want to, which is why I’m posting here. I want *someone* to convince me to live. I want *someone* to convince me that I deserve to, that I’m more than what I think I can.
I’m doubtful anyone will achieve this. I know what I am. I know I’m going to be on the streets soon, and I know it would be helpful for me to either get rid of myself by living there or by stopping my existence. Maybe I’m manic. I don’t know. I just want this to fucking stop.
https://redd.it/i56c9i
@r_suicidewatch