SOOOO archive & cf 🥀

That expressionless face, looking so joyful
The brains walk away, one by one
My ridiculous, ageless face remains among them
How many more years will it keep lingering there?
I'll kill it

I WANT, I WANT, I WANT TO TOUCH YOU
I WILL END UP HURTING YOU
I WANT, I WANT, I WANT TO TOUCH YOU
I WILL END UP FESTERING YOU
I WANT, I WANT, I WANT TO TOUCH YOU
I WILL END UP ROTTING YOU
I WANT, I WANT, I WANT TO TOUCH YOU
YOU WILL END UP DESPISING ME

GO FxxK MYSELF INTO NOTHING

In gentle fields and forests,
A crimson sea of wrists is in bloom
will I, nill I
I fall into the beckoning applause of the void
"You—die here, now"
"You—come on, just die already"
On this sunlit hill, lit by countless blades

You once called me a saint
You once said my unending hell is a lie

"…CREEP" "…GROSS" "…DISGUSTING"
You laugh with them—so who the hell was I, all the while I was alive?
"…CREEP" "…GROSS" "…DISGUSTING"
Their leaking brain-juice spills, filling everyone's hearts
No one has wished for this filth's suicide more than I have
Behind your bursting smiles, just devour my wretched loneliness

In gentle fields and forests,
Crawling bugs born from bloodstained hands emerge
will I, nill I
I drown in this slithering emptiness
If only I—could die here, now
If only I—come on, just die already
On this sunlit hill, where countless shadows burst apart

COME AT ME

I WANT, I WANT, I WANT TO TOUCH YOU
I WILL END UP HURTING YOU
I WANT, I WANT, I WANT TO TOUCH YOU
I WILL END UP FESTERING YOU
I WANT, I WANT, I WANT TO TOUCH YOU
I WILL END UP ROTTING YOU
I WANT, I WANT, I WANT TO TOUCH YOU
YOU WILL END UP DESPISING ME

To protect this wretched self,
I kill myself without hesitation

GO FxxK MYSELF INTO NOTHING

I was born to acquire suffering
Actually, I've known that since long ago
So perhaps that's why the teachers told me too
That my smile exists to make everyone happy

I, who grew up cute, am just a toy
Becoming an outlet for violent impulses
One day, with THAT enough to numb the nerves
They f***ed me thoroughly, drenched in medication

The world in my eyes trembles
Sharp distortions pulse with a twitch, a thump
In the haze, to the delighted necks
I weakly smile back one more time

I'm sorry I was born

Kindness is given with suffering as a condition
That's why I named the fear of death ‘love’
You all eagerly throw it at me
That’s why I also gladly endangered my life
It's okay
Even tomorrow,
I will keep getting hurt with a smile

Their intentions force me to enter into a kind of friendship
Their affections force me to vomit up the pain of loss
No one wants to touch something like the love I fearfully show everyone
I'm dirty

With those gentle eyes,
The person who praised me,
What exactly do they want from me?
What will they take from me next?

My naked body covered in vomit left at the garbage dump due to the bill for my mistakes
Memories tightly grip my numb limbs
Just one more step towards that dazzling sky
Not even allowed to soar
Because I'm a good boy
Because I'm a good boy
Because I'm a good boy
Because I'm a gOoD bOy
How could they love me like this?

From the miniature garden of survival
The alarm bells were ringing
"There's no such thing as definite proof in this world," they said

When I die someday, flowers will be laid upon me and I'll probably be mocked
That's why the fear of death called itself ‘love’ for me
If by my screaming, struggling, flailing, and eventually perishing,
Everyone can be happy, then that's enough for me
Please forgive me
For having such clumsy thoughts

I wish my smile would just crumble away
Please, let everyone escape from this ugliness
Since even the things that were truly precious to me
Have all been burnt to death by you,
I didn't want to be thought of as a kind person
I didn't want to be called a kind person
I didn't want to become a kind person
I didn't want to become a kind person…
I didn't want to become A KIND PERSON…

There's no way I can love myself
Because I loved my “ “

Hey, teacher, my, life, is, cheap, too
Hey, teacher, I, can, smile, skillfully

I'm sorry I was born

Закрой глаза, ты скоро будешь здесь
Один, два, три, четыре, пять минут
Иногда я действительно хочу спать
Но я не могу бросить это дело

Спокойной ночи
Спокойной ночи
Спокойной ночи
Спокойной ночи

Спокойной ночи, спокойной ночи
Закрой глаза, и ты покинешь этот сон
Спокойной ночи, спокойной ночи
Я знаю, что это трудно сделать

Дни проходят
Ничего не поделаешь
Мгновения ускользают
Разбитое стекло
Стрелки часов
Где этот бой?
В моей голове
Я просто
Я просто
Я просто
Я просто

i was dreaming of a day long ago
there was a row of cherry trees on the way to school
the innocent you that followed me said to me,
"i'm proud of you."

like roots growing on a corpse left abandoned
when i realize my life, a spark of tears falls
and it relentlessly scatters
throughout my childhood days

Tangled in the branches of my misplaced nobility,
i curse my dirty body that shakes in the night of shame

like burning
like sobbing
the swaying life just crumbles away
please play the sound of my life
awkwardly with these murderous hands
the last drop of light spilled out
now let it flow gracefully into the distance
and this time,
please make me an
eternal peaceful ruin

on the surface of the water like a dream
leaves and snow drift there
a water-filled bamboo tube clacks against a stone when emptied
many years
waiting in vain
a sudden rain falls during the cherry blossom season
this vision becomes hazy
these limbs start to collapse
powerless
waiting in vain

ah
where has everyone gone?

please punish me
give me more pain for this unhealed heart
i send a bouquet of flowers for that fading smile
and for this excess of my blood

until this darkness decays
I just want to be myself

like burning
like sobbing
the festering life just sparkles
please put an end to
everything i am
the fireball is hung down
now it adorns the tree buds
with its ugly luster
please don't reach out to me
i want you to see me through

spring dust and dawn pile up
on my disfigured bare face
with those pure eyes
i'm sure you'll abandon me, too

Trust is more about breaking necks than it is about lying
Spoiling a coward is a life sentence
The static destrudo couldn't seem to bite off this vanity
The point is, this naked body as a possession is, unfortunately, an immortal slave

I HAVE TO PEEL THIS
I HAVE TO PEEL ME
I HAVE TO PEEL THIS
I HAVE TO PEEL ME

The curse of words grows on this milky bare skin
Dragging it around, I'm going down a path of desire
What an uncomfortable skin!
How disgusting I am!
The wounds that don't bloom are on this heart I hate
I'm really glad you're smiling

"Worth" is this worthless whole body
"Worth" is this worthless lack
"Worth" is this worthless word
"Worth" is...
You are kind enough to tell me to just be myself
So may I moisten my face with the sludge I just poured out of my mouth?

Caress even the marrow of my bones if you want to bury your face
I'll give you, noble with a taste for corrosion, the incarnadine happiness
If I can't skin my assailant and sew him together,
Am I going to wear this sooty flesh and toilet bowl that I should have scraped off again?

Give me an invincible will by the power of fear
Squash those scumbags that wriggle around in a piece of my flesh

What do you want from me?
This is what I am
I'd rather die, wouldn't you?

"Worth" is this worthless self-destruction
"Worth" is this worthless sobbing
"Worth" is this worthless future
"Worth" is...
I bared my heart for you, the too kind man who told me to just be myself
But that serene me is no longer here

Let's go
To the other side of discomfort
This body begins to act violently
This blood spurts out
"Everything happens for a reason"
Hey, isn't that right?
Hey! Answer me

As long as I keep bleeding,
My existence has worth
You taught me that after I failed to die
I'm really glad you're smiling

Accept grotesque old motherhood
Collect grotesque new motherhood
The right hyper olfactory sense loved by unwholesome things
I'll ruin myself
I'll ruin myself
I know
I know

Pray easily for the hackneyed fragile icon called peace which you don't even want in your subconscious mind before such meaningless artificial beliefs collapse because of your blind faith in your own sense of values

I find myself when I ask this dead heart
What I want to destroy is myself
"YOU DID ALL THIS."

Even the feeling of wanting to deny is affected by this infection
The real me didn't mean anything

EYES - MANKIND
CHEEK - BURNER
EARS - GUNSHOT
HEART - SHAME

The real me doesn't need to be anywhere anymore

Hey, the variant brain, the variant brain, the variant brain…what is betrayal?
You just want to hurt me
You can make all unnecessary losses my own
Hey, the variant brain, the variant brain, the variant brain…what is believing?
It's not for you
Conceive the best unsullied hatred of your life to the trembling body
And be one
Here now, swear your life proudly
The normal world

Hey, it's weird to reach out to me
This evil, this evil,
I threaten this evil with care
This evil, this evil,
I nurture this evil with care
The only thing I can believe in is pain
The only thing I can believe is this pain that is certainly here and now, right?

Accept grotesque old motherhood
Collect grotesque new motherhood
The insolent over-interpretation loved by unwholesome things
I'll ruin myself
I'll ruin myself
I understand
I understand

Prey easily on me who you cannot understand while laughing with your conscious mind and timid sense of pride here now rather than waste such a worthless life for longing secretly for the day when my ugly head is hanged in front of all humanity

But it's okay
In such a world

I'm the perfect lump of meat that has imperfectly survived
So I'm sure it's not a sad event that I'm killed

I can only live my life hoping so

Hey, the variant brain, the variant brain, the variant brain…what is betrayal?
You just want to be hurt
You can blame me for all the unnecessary parting you've made
Hey, the variant brain, the variant brain, the variant brain…what is believing?
It's not for you
Pierce the worst dull light of your life into this shredded chest
And know yourself
Here now, curse your life proudly
Come on! Come on!!

Hey, it's weird to reach out to me
This evil, this evil,
I torment this evil with care
This evil, this evil,
I embrace this evil tightly
The only thing I can believe in is pain, right?
Hey, to myself on that day
I certainly screamed